Tutorial

2.7

Desires, Thoughts

In this chapter, we’ll continue looking at this line of buttons...

...looking at the middle two: Desires and Thoughts.

The Desires lists

There are three lists in the Desires category.

The Desires lists

Test, “Reveal which...”

These lists help identify desires that are either unhelpful, or are good but are causing pain by going unfulfilled. They list different desires (“I desire to be...”), why they may be there (“The purpose of my desire”), and describe their unhealthy nature (“Describe my desire”).

Illustration

“I desire to be...” lists things you may like to be and experience.

This is much deeper and more insightful than if we just had a list of different desires, like a desire for chocolate, or alcohol, or pornography, or whatever. This list is more about finding out the real desire that’s being satisfied, such as a desire for acceptance, comfort, or love.

For example, you might be drinking too much alcohol, but the real desire you are satisfying might be a desire to be stubborn, or successful, or acceptable, or something else. It’s different for everyone, and there might be a dozen different desires involved behind-the-scenes, combining to cause a problem with alcohol (or whatever).

“The purpose of my desire” is a clever one. It lists four different motivations for a desire:

  • To use what I desire
  • To have what I desire
  • To be what I desire
  • To get something from what I desire

The list contains a full-length description of each of the above.

For example, if my body chose “To use what I desire” and I clicked it, this description appears:

Using this is exactly what I require to maintain my life and bring it all together.

In fact, this is absolutely necessary! If I can use this for my own ends, there is surely no risk of my life going to pieces.

Actually, it does take some strength on my part to get this. When I use this then I am fully assured that everything is all right.

You are then asked to click on and the parts that are important to you; this highlights them. You can try this above.

Finally, you’ll be asked if you want to read the “reality”. What’s that? The “reality” is a second piece of text that is almost the opposite of the first – instead of describing how you feel, it describes the reality that you probably cannot see!

For example, if my body said that I do need to read the reality, I would click the “Read the reality” button, and this text would appear:

I will only pay any attention to this for as long as I can get what I want out of it.

The truth is that I actually don’t really need to use this as glue to stick myself together. In fact, I never really needed to use this at all!

In reality, I already have within me everything I need to use. Within myself is, and always was, the true sources of strength to bring my life together.

Any of these things outside of myself are, in fact, inferior. With me are exactly the things I need to use.

Can you see how this text is very much the opposite of the previous text? Again, the session page will ask you to highlight the parts that your body feels are important.

Lastly, you ask your body how much of the above “reality” text you can accept as true. Can you accept 100% of it? Or more like 50%? 10%? Or even 0%? Why do we ask this? Because there is no way you will be ready to accept the reality as true! Otherwise there would be no problem! In time, with enough sessions, you should be able accept a higher and higher percentage of the “reality” texts.

“Describe my desire” is the last Desires list. It works in exactly the same way as the previous technique, but it lists eight instead of four, and this time they are different kinds of desire.

Is your desire...

  • Essential
  • Brazen
  • Important
  • Exquisite
  • Unattainable
  • Superficial
  • Self-degrading
  • Irresistible

Like the previous technique, you are instructed to click on the one your body chooses. Then you get a description to read, but the descriptions here are much shorter! Likewise, there is also a reality you can read, along with a percentage box where your body can say how much it agrees with it.

These three desires lists are some of the most powerful things in Self-Rewiring.

I desire you to take a look

Please read through these lists, and if you feel you’ve ‘got it’ try them out for real. Pretend you’re doing a session on some subject. It might be both fun and insightful!

Please go to the session page now and take a look at these Desires lists.

Why do we have these categories?

We all have certain feelings, and we also have certain desires. However, sometimes our personality is based on how we’ve thought about things. For example:

  • We’ve made decisions.
  • We have certain beliefs.
  • Other people expect things of us.
  • We feel that certain ways of doing things are right and wrong.

If we overlooked all of these things, our therapy wouldn’t be much good. It would be like reading an instruction manual that has some of the most important pages missing. Instead, all of these things can be found and chosen by your body in Self-Rewiring.

Thoughts

This is the Thoughts category.

Thoughts

Test, “Reveal which...”

These lists help reveal what thoughts are contributing to your issue. See what’s stopping you from growing out of your issue (“Where I’m stuck”), such as personality traits (“My personality traits”), beliefs about yourself (“Beliefs about myself”), aspects of your culture (“My cultures expectations”), and decisions you’ve made or need to make (“Decisions I’ve made”).

The thoughts category has five lists. I’ll introduce you to each of them very briefly.

“Where I’m stuck” is just a small list of three things. But they’re very special. This list is designed to help you see where you’re stuck in your progress; to see why you’re not making progress with your therapy.

This is the list:

Illustration
  • Accept: I do not fully accept that I have this issue at this time
  • Admit: I do not fully admit, or concede, that this issue needs to change
  • Allow: I do not fully allow this issue to change

There’s a good reason that this list exists. If we want to change something, we must all go through this three-step process – whether we realise it or not.

  • First you have to accept that you have the issue. After all, if you don’t even accept that you have a problem, or if you are pretending that it’s not as serious as it really is, then you will either never do anything about it, or never do enough!
  • Secondly, you must admit that the problem needs to change. Yes, someone could say, “sure, I have this problem”, but whether they feel they should give it up or grow out of it -- well, that’s another matter.
  • Finally, you must allow it to change. Accepting you have an issue, and knowing you ought to do something about it are all very good -- but if you’re secretly not allowing it to change, well, then you will get nowhere!

So this list encourages you to see where you’re stuck, to be aware of it, and to then make a positive choice to view things differently.

“My personality traits” is a simple list of common personality traits.

Personality traits are neither good or bad. They are all neutral. For example, if someone is naturally confident, well that could be good for them in certain jobs, but it also might make them more likely to take on too much responsibility and burn out!

So this list asks your body to choose the trait (or traits) that are important in that moment, then it asks your body to reveal if the traits...

  1. “are part of the problem” (expressing the trait is making the situation worse) or,
  2. “could help me solve the problem” (if you expressed this trait more)

“Beliefs about myself” is a simple list of small phrases you may say to yourself to condemn yourself or to cast a judgement on yourself.

For example:

  • “I must be perfect”
  • “No one wants me”
  • “I am better than everyone else”

These are all beliefs a person may have. This list helps you to become aware of beliefs that may be ‘pulling the strings’ behind your issue without you realising it. Sometimes, we are not fully aware of what we truly believe about ourselves.

“My cultures expectations” is actually three small lists, one for males, one for females, and one for everyone.

It helps you to identify what you’ve been trying to live-up-to. For example, for males there may be an expectation to “be masculine” or to “like sports”. These expectations may, in some way, be holding you back, or helping to keep an issue alive in your mind, or in some way feed some other problem.

When your body has chosen one or more expectations, your body is then asked if it agrees with them. Finally, your body is asked if it feels that you’re able to comply (or live up to) these expectations.

“Decisions I’ve made” is the final list in the Thoughts category.

Illustration

This is one of the more important lists we have.

First your body is asked what kind of decision we’re talking about. Is it...

  • About how I feel
  • About how I view myself
  • About how I view others
  • About how I act or what I do
  • About how I view something
  • About what I remember
  • About what I choose to believe
  • (about something else)

Once your body has revealed what type of decision you have made, you’re asked to think what the specific decision is, and to type it in a box. Usually it’s in some way related to your subject or what you’ve previously been considering in your session.

Finally, you’re asked if you’d like to keep this decision or to change it. If you wish to change it, you’re asked to think of what decision you’d like instead.

Take a look

Please take a look at the Thoughts lists. If you want, you could pretend that you’re doing a session, and test one or two of the lists.

Please go to the session page.

What’s next

The next lists are pretty toxic... they’re the Toxic people lists!

Chapter review

  • The Desires lists help you to understand what you desire and why.
  • The Thoughts lists help you to see where you’re stuck, and what role your personality plays in your problem.
  • It also helps you identify beliefs about yourself, what expectations you’re trying to live up to, and which decisions are contributing to your problem.