What happened in your past is vitally important, but so are other people. In Self-Rewiring we have a feature to help you identify the other people that play (or played) a role in your issues.
Everyone around you influences your personality. Yes, everyone. Consider:
All of us have allowed ourselves to be influenced by others. Most of your (and my) opinions and preferences are really from the people around us. For this reason, we have the Look at someone feature. Let’s see how it works.
On the What do I need now? menu, you click this button:
If your body chooses it, you click it and see this:
We “pick up” traits, feelings, and beliefs from others all the time (especially from our parents). Sometimes these things support our issues. If you can rewire such influences, their effect on you will change. You will be free to make choices without their interference.
As you can see (above), the first thing you’re asked is, “Reveal who I need to look at... Male, Female, or Both.”
In this example, let’s pretend I’m doing a session and I’ve chosen “Male”. So, I click “Male” and this appears:
If “Other male(s)”, think who, and ask your body if that is correct.
If a grandpa, think which one (including step-parents) then test to see if it’s him.
Usually, if you’re looking at a male, your body wants to look at your father or stepfather. Likewise, if looking at a female, it’s usually your mother or stepmother. It’s hardly surprising! Our parents deal with us more than anyone when we are very young, so their influence is usually strongest. That’s why the “My father” option appears first among the male options!
However, your body can choose to look at anyone it wants. Occasionally your body may pick other people, such as other relatives, old friends, old schoolmates, or even “All men”! Typically, though, the parents are the most popular choice.
In this example, my body chose the “My father” option (how predictable!), and underneath I’ve typed “Dad” as the name in the box.
Then I click “ Continue”.
From now on, the What Do I Need Now menu changes name. It becomes, “Looking at “Dad”, what do I need now?” and the “Look at someone” button has also changed. It is now titled “Done with person(s)”.
Take a look:
Test, “Reveal what I need...”
In addition, this banner appears along the bottom of the screen to help me remember that I’m looking at Dad:
Looking at “Dad”
Just like when looking at an age, this part of my session will all be about Dad and how his influence contributed to my personality. All techniques I do, all lists I look at, will somehow connect to him, my view of him, and my memories of him.
I’ll keep looking at him until my body chooses “Done with person(s)”.
When clicking that option, this appears:
You probably have a few questions about this feature. Here are the most common ones below.
Yes and no.
Yes, in that your body can accurately reveal how the person made you feel.
No, in that how you feel may not be justified.
For example, someone may feel that their stepmother was evil. But in reality, she may not have been evil, it’s just that the kid was a spoiled brat!
So, yes, your body will accurately reveal how the person made you feel, but no, in that how you felt may be mistaken.
For example, you might hate someone because it was reported to you that they said bad things about you. Yet in reality, you may have been lied to, and the person being blamed may be completely innocent.
Not necessarily, no.
Many psychotherapists will turn a client against their family, encouraging them to blame everyone else for everything that went wrong in their life. Their client becomes an eternal victim, with the therapist as their ally against the world.
It’s very good for business.
Self-Rewiring, however, isn’t about blaming others. Sure, sometimes other people are to blame! Perhaps you were abused or mistreated, but we do not make the entire therapy about assigning fault. That does no good. If anything, it makes you more of a victim.
We can’t change the past. We can only change your response to it, such as by helping you to see things from a different perspective, to forgive and let go. That is what Self-Rewiring is about, rewiring your response to your experiences.
We don’t wallow in the past, we don’t play a blame game.
The “Look at someone” feature isn’t used a lot. It is used in about 20% of sessions, but everyone is different.
Your body might choose it all the time, or your body might never choose it, there is no rule. Don’t have any expectations. If your body wants it, fine, if it never does, then that’s fine too.
The “Look at someone” feature is very powerful. It’s not used often, but when it is, it seems to be very important.
In the next chapter, we’ll briefly go over the three categories of techniques. These help you change how you think and feel.
Go to the session page and pretend you’re doing a session.
Go through the process of looking at someone else, and see who your body chooses.
Take the opportunity to look at the “Replace the person(s)” feature, too.
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